How do you dope a chicken?

It turns out the Roald Dahl was right, in his book Danny Champion of the world. 

Patti Boulaye, one of our chooks has been a tad off colour, laying shell-less eggs. This can happen for a number of reasons, poor diet, stress, weather etc. Once we worked out which of our feathered hens was the culprit, no easy matter. A trip to the Dick Vet or the small animal hospital, at the Bush, Edinburgh was hastily arranged. An out of hours appointment costs, £135 rising to an eye-watering £185 after 10pm on Saturday, so whilst I adore my chickens, there is a financial limit to my love. Therefore a weekday and much more financially viable, appointment costing £35, was booked. Frankly, a pretty penny to just to step inside this state of the art building.

On the due day, Patti made the fatal blunder of rushing to the back door in the hope of treats, before being rudely bundled into a wicker cat basket. Yup, the phrase 'chicken in a basket' did spring to mind as she eyed at me nervously through the wire. Luckily we don't stay a million miles away, so the car journey was thankfully short.

I checked in with reception and choose to wait in the carpark. My reasoning being based on NHS GP practice appointments running at least 20 minutes late. However, two final year vet students promptly came to find me, early! My poorly chook was then rushed into one of the examination rooms, without the ignominy of a long wait being eyed by a hungry Alsatian. Now that's first class service which I don't mind paying for.

Now, Patti is an outdoors kind of a gal so was a tad overawed by this indoor occasion. I was quizzed by the friendly students about my pet hen, I think this is to suss out how animal bonkers you are, so they can respond appropriately. I did feel the need to explain that Patti is a rescue hen, one of four living with us and that she is not cruelly named after chicken liver pate, but the 70's singing icon Patti Boulaye. Pretty sure that the twenty something vet students had no idea what I was talking about, but I don't think I came over as utterly bonkers. 

Luckily Patti remained quiet and impeccably behaved, as her medical history was taken, diet, weight, respiration heart rate were all carefully noted. The veterinarian arrived and discussed the medical situation with the students, they suspected low-grade infection but well worth giving her some medication. So one course of dog antibiotics and anti-inflammatory meds were prescribed. Ever practical in the animal world, the dose changes for different beasts, but the medicine inside the packet is the same. We discussed what options are available if things don't seem to improve. It may sound cruel however but I won't be going down scan and hormone implant pathway, which would stop her ovulating and laying eggs. Before you know it, I'm heading out to reception to settle my bill, an eye-watering £88.78. Reminding myself that she is a rescue hen, costing £5.

On a more serious note, it occurred to me that if the NHS is privatised, I could be having to make these same decisions about cost - versus care about my own children. 

So how do you medicate a chicken? You can simply syringe honey flavoured liquid into her beak, which of course I let the professionals do. Then I opted for simple bribery at home, mixing antibiotics into tasty treats. As my morning routine doesn't need an early wrestling session with a flighty chook. However Patti was on to me straight away, she wasn't too sure about the funny tasting powder mixed into with the food. Although she did take some of it, there was no fooling this wily bird.

Then I remembered the Roald Dahl classic novel, Danny the champion of the world. I wondered whether hens could be drugged in the same way that the pheasants are doped in the book?

Patti wolfed down her liquid meds coating the dried mealworms before tucking into tasty sultanas, which I'd laced with anti-inflammatory crushed tablets. So far so good, I'll let you know what happens tomorrow.

Well, Patti is on to us... turns out hens are smarter than you think. She is still eating most of the drugs but not all.